Sundays With Tabs the Cat, makeup and beauty blog Mascot, Vol. 308
Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
Pushed to the breaking point
DEAR TABBY: I can’t take it anymore, Tabby. My humans are pushing me too hard. They’re always trying to get me to kitty model for them and climb the cat tower and teasing me with toys, which they know I can’t resist. They even make me wear these humiliating outfits, which are almost always glittery and too tight. I feel like I’m ready to snap. I’m also lashing out at pals now, and I actually swatted at the neighbor’s kitten yesterday for pouncing on my tail.
Pomoc! Co bych měl dělat? should I tell them the truth? That I just want to sit in a sunny corner all day long and play D&D (I love the dice)? I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I need some time to myself.
—Stressed in Spokane
Every cat feels stressed from time to time
DEAR STRESSED: I know exactly how you feel. Humans can be incredibly annoying, but they can also be nice to have around. First, most of them have thumbs, which are vital to opening things like doors and cans of gravy. Second, they can be kind of soothing sometimes, and they’re also pretty easy to train.
In fact, I’ve trained mine to perform a number of tasks, including booking all of my public engagements, paying my iphone bill, and administering my deep-tissue kitty massage.
Kočky a make-up mikina?
I really think you should talk to your humans and let them know you’re stressed, but try to understand that they do what they do from a place of love. definitely grumble when they pick you up, because they might eventually get the hint, but if not, try to catch up on sleep at night, which is when most humans temporarily shut down.
How much is too much love?
DEAR TABBY: I’m worried that I love my human too much, and I’m not sure what it says about me as a cat. I see other cats who treat their humans with apathy or outright disdain, but I just want to love mine. Is that wrong?
My human actually lives with me. She rents a room and works as my assistant (I work at home in performance art). She pets me every morning, prepares my food, cleans the bathroom, and then goes to her other job. and then when she returns home, she pets me again and we hang out.
I know this is weird because she’s just a human, but she’s also my best friend. Tabby, is it possible to love a human too much?
—Devoted in Daytona
She’s really pretty great
DEAR DEVOTED: In a word, no, it is impossible to love a human too much, because they crave attention, but there’s also a flip side to this. The more friendly and loving you are, the more treats and massages you’re likely to get.
Many cats are unwilling to acknowledge this relationship because of our independent nature, but it’s true. I’ve seen it myself.
Try this sometime: when food is scarce, pay even more attention to your human, and see if you receive more treats or an extra serving of gravy. I think you will.
Contrary to what many cats believe, I don’t see a downside to loving humans, and I don’t think you can love them too much. Sure, it’s important to maintain professional work boundaries at the office, but that’s true of any family business.
Napětí je pryč
DEAR TABBY: I’ve been with the same human for more than a decade and, you know, we’ve kind of fallen into a routine. things aren’t as exciting as they used to be. I still love her very much, but we used to do more things. sometimes she would make tuna and turkey appetizers, and then company would come over and we’d play games. Now, it’s like all we ever do is sit on the couch and watch law & Order.
I want to explore the world, Tabby, and play with new toys, try new cuisines.
Nevím. I’m just afraid the spark is gone. Is there anything we can do to reignite it?
—Passionless in Peoria
Cultivate a hobby together
DEAR PASSIONLESS: everything you’re feeling is completely normal, so let’s just get that out of the way. There’s a honeymoon period in any relationship, where it seems like each day brings a new treat, toy or experience. Plus, we cats are notoriously fickle.
The good news is that you still love each other. have you considered taking up a hobby that you two could do together? My assistant and I love to garden. Not only is it therapeutic for both of us, it also gets me outside, where I can chase lizards and kack at birds.
If gardening isn’t your thing, there’s also paper mache, knitting and going for walks on leash, all of which are activities cats typically enjoy.
Another personal favorite of mine is to mix things up. surprise her one day by catching a mouse.
Vím! It sounds cRazy, ale zkuste to zkusit. Možná tě zase uvidí jako její mocný malý lev.
Vaše přátelské sousedství krásy závislí,
Karen a Tabs.
P.S. Takže, když jsme se dostali domů z Tahoe včera v noci (nevyhalil nic, co hraje Omg! Koťata, btw), záložky byly po mně všude, házeli hlavu do mých mých otvorů, aby mi hard-core kočičí objetí, meaching nonstop a následoval Me kolem domu jako on dělá, kdykoliv jdu z města a vrátím se. Byl to jako, “kde jsi byl!? Chyběl jsem ti, žena! ”
Jo, to jen trvalo několik hodin, než jsem šel do postele … když jsem se dnes ráno dostal, bylo to zpět k obchodu jako obvykle. Celý den je dnes panem Oficiálním, CFO kartami Kočka karet Kočičí průmysl, LLC. “Kde je moje omáčka? Proč není můj iPhone plně nabitý? Jak se opovažuješ mluvit ke mně! Proč jsi mě nebral na procházku venku? Proč mě v tuto chvíli nebudeš mazlit!? ”
Le povzdech … To je život, když pracujete pro překročení kitty divu.